freshvintage

Fly Traps, Boxing Babies and Ham Sticks

This is a post about the stuff laying around our house that needs to go to our shop. Strangely enough, the shit all over our dining room table isn't making us any money! Weird.

Lots of floral frogs, in all shapes and sizes: 

A cement scottie dog: (I love a dog that doesn't shed, bark or poop. Might need to keep this one.)

Vintage golf and bowling trophy parts:

A fly trap:

It's a BIG STINKY FLY TRAP. The makers of this thing don't mince words. 

A few brass faucets:

Another Infant of Prague statue. This one has clothes, unlike the other ones I shared on my Facebook page. And it doesn't have eyes that make you wish for a quick death.

A big lab timer:

A World War II-era Navy pilot tin toy gun:

Bottle openers and wine/liquor pourers, some American and some German. The plastic chicken pourer is the best. Seems a little childish for a wine bottle, doesn't it?

A bunch of bottles from a Philadelphia soda maker, Esposito:

Yes, that one on the left features a diapered baby in boxing gloves. "The Champ of Thirst Quenchers!"  

Nope - not creepy at all.

We also have hundreds of photos that we bought from someone who cleaned out an local estate. If you compare these photos to those from normal families, you would find that this group has a wildly disproportionate number of random people holding ham products.

And they needed captions.

 

 Feel free to leave your own captions in the comments below!

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Don't forget - Author Mary Kay Andrews is coming to freshvintage for a book signing on June 10th. This will be a great event, with PRIZES for visitors and fun treats. Don't miss it!

And congrats are in order for Mary Kay - she just announced that her paperback of Summer Rental will debut on the New York Times Bestseller List at #18 next week. Yay for you!

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One more thing - we'll be selling again at the Vintage Garage Sale on June 1st in West Chester, PA. We had a great time in May, so we're coming back with more cool finds. There will be some new vendors this month (including Lisa from Brandywine View), and a few of the same from last month. There are a few spots still open, so visit the website for more info.

On the radio with DJ freshvintage

So...I was interviewed on a local radio show last week: Eat, Drink and Meet Mary. Mary Bigham is a food blogger who has a network of websites about restaurants and events in the Philadelphia suburbs (particularly Chester County, which is where I live). She has a weekly radio show on Fridays from 12-1 EST on WCHE 1520. It is also broadcast live online and recorded for your repeated listening pleasure. Although most of her blog content is local, she has interviewed some big-wig national foodies like Jose Garces, the Beekman Boys, and winners from every Top Master Chopped Iron Chef show that exists. She'll ask them anything, too - which makes her show even more fun. Mary also has a partnership with Southwest Airlines where she (or one of her writers) travels to a city, eats all of their good food and makes fun videos about the trip. It's called DishTrip.com.

And she loves vintage, which is where I come in. You can listen to my stint on her show here. My interview starts around 18:30 (but I encourage you to listen to the whole show, of course). Please keep in mind that it was my first time on the radio and I know that I stammered and sounded a little idiotic on several occasions. I hope you still like me and still think very highly of me.

Since it is a foodie show, Mary asked me to offer some ideas on using vintage finds while entertaining, especially for the upcoming holiday season. One tip I mentioned was using vintage medical or tool carts as a hub for your drinks, bottles & glasses during a party. Here's a medical cart that I sold earlier this year at Clover Market. The buyer was planning to use it as a bar. Smart girl.

 

And a tool-chest-turned-bar-cart that I had for sale at the most recent Clover Market (and is still for sale!):

And this very-newly-acquired tool chest that is for sale now:

I also talked about using small enamel tubs or silver punch bowls as beer & wine coolers. Here's the silver punch bowl that I mentioned (for sale!):

And you can find the (not vintage) pumpkin beer cooler on the Southern Living Magazine website:

Mary asked me if I had any decorating ideas for a Halloween party, and I told her about the pair of large framed photos that Chris bought at an auction a few weeks ago. My kids and I decided to scare them up a bit, and add fangs using white duct tape. You could also use white medical tape.

 

She wants to eat your flesh with her cock-eyed fangs.

My last tip was about using wooden crates, glass cake stands and other inexpensive vintage finds to add height to your appetizer, dessert or buffet table. It is so much more visually appealing when your food is displayed at different heights on a table. And in funky, conversation-starting containers.

These divided cheese boxes would be great for shelled peanuts or pistachios...nuts in one side, and empty shells in the other.

We talked about using soda crates to hold rolled-up napkins with utensils. You could also use them to store the liquor, water or soda that doesn't need to be iced:

Please don't judge me on my current inventory of booze. This looks like something a 17-year-old girl would have stashed in her closet....Godiva Chocolate liqueur, Rumple Minze and Old Smuggler. And don't even get me started on the Tuaca. That stuff is deadly.

I would love to hear your feedback...what did you think of the radio show? Do you have any other tips for entertaining with your vintage home goods? Or creepy Halloween decor using flea market finds?

Chiclets, My Pimp and Hideous Babies

We were supposed to use our camper for the first time last weekend, but the forecast was RAIN! FLOODS! LOCUSTS! We cancelled our camping plans, and, of course, it only ended up raining on Friday afternoon. The rest of the weekend was just fine. Damn you, Hurricane Schwartz straight to hell!

The upside, and it's a good one, was that I was able to hit the Antiques Extravaganza in Adamstown on Sunday morning (a thrice-yearly super-duper weekend at my favorite antiquing trifecta: Renninger's, Black Angus and Shupp's Grove).

I spent $37 for everything in this picture. Click on it to enlarge.

I'm kidding! Wouldn't you hate me?! I would hate me!

I actually spent a bit more than I normally spend. But I saw so many things that I wanted. And I have Clover Market coming up on October 16th, so I need to stock up. And, most importantly, I didn't want the good stuff ending up with some loser, so I had to rescue them. For their own safety.

By the way - the table that everything is sitting on was a previous purchase. It is an old table that came from a pizza shop. It is awesome.

That cubby thing on the right was made from scraps of old boxes. You can see the stenciling here (it says "glass", not "ass"):

This bucket bench has a unique design...with the rounded picket corners and the criss-cross bottom boards. I am picturing it on someone's front porch, with a row of colorful mums and pumpkins sitting on top. Hmmm...maybe I'll keep it.

This litho bucket caught my eye. I've never seen one like this.

My maiden name is Burke. And I like Ale. So, I obviously needed to rescue this wooden crate.

I'm not quite sure why I bought all of these crocheted potholder thingies. There are some nice colors in there. And they were fairly inexpensive.

I know exactly why I bought the Pelican Cooler (that has an intact glass liner). Can't you just picture it sitting on the counter?

I also found this painted mahogany two-tiered table, these orange & white napkins and the orange desk lamp:

The seat of this 1950s chrome stool was originally painted aqua, to match the stripes around the edges. Someone painted it white and totally defaced it with a hideous decal, which I promptly removed with a few squirts of Goof Off.

I would keep this if my husband wore ties regularly. Alas, he is more of an outdoorsman-woodsman type. This tie rack made by Nu-Dell in 1937 has a dial that offers you fashion advice, based on the color of your tie.

I don't know anyone, other than my pimp, who can pull off a black & red tie with a gray shirt and a blue suit. But times were different in 1937.

 
I've always wanted an old candy rack for displaying my ephemera and other paper goods at sales like Clover.

Each of the gum graphics are made of metal:

Yes, another dress form. I sold the last one I bought, so this is her replacement. She is an Acme junior-sized dress form.  And she is standing next to an awesome green-painted library cart. On casters!

Sitting on that shelf is Harriet Hubbard Ayer's Book, published in 1899. It is about women's beauty & hygiene.

What kind of super cool lady doesn't even have a title for her book? It's like if I published a book called Colleen Allison's Book. I know - it has best-seller written all over it.

I could devote an entire blog to Harriet's book. (No, not a blog post  - an entire blog). She has one chapter called "The Sin of Dowdiness". These quotes are all from one page in that chapter:

"There is nothing so fatal to a girl's chances as untidiness." [A bad case of The Clap is a close second.]

"Freckles are not pretty, and they are practically there to stay."

"The complexion of the red-haired girl is her most serious drawback. It lends itself to untidiness, so the victim must be careful to keep it looking clean and well cared for."" [So sorry, my dear red-headed sister/victim, Erin.]

"If my little red-headed girl has not nice teeth, she should have them repaired and made pretty and wholesome".  [But I guess snaggle-toothed blondes are acceptable?]

This is from a chapter called "How to Sleep". Yes - A WHOLE CHAPTER!

Not only did she dole out beauty advice, but she also gave out motherly advice - like how to ensure that your hideously-deformed, pug-nosed, disgustingly-ugly baby grows up with a pretty nose:

 

Yes, the crazy bitch is telling you to SQUEEZE your baby's nose. Like, all the time.

And don't forget about those hideous ears! Either strap them down with a specially-made bonnet for Dumbo-eared babies, or just pin them back with your hands.

I'll have to keep reading to see if she has any sound advice on douching. The advice from my last womanly book made me itchy.

I Heart Stalkers

Every once in a while, the super-awesome readers of my blog send me stuff that they know I will like. They email me and say, "I hope you don't think I'm a stalker, but I want to send you something in the mail. Can I have your address?" Studies show that only 3 out of every 10 people who ask for your address are murderers. I will take my chances if it means that I get a package in the mail.

Katie sent me this cute apple juice label, because she knows that I collect apple-related labels and signs. She is a seasoned junker - look at this unbelievable vintage glider that she found in the trash.

Michelle from Dallas sent me these cufflinks and tiebar, which she had found in her grandmother's house. (I shared these on Facebook a few months ago.) It took me a while to figure out why she thought I would like them. I thought they were baby feet. But, after a couple of minutes, I realized why it was funny. And then I felt sick for thinking that they were baby feet. You can read the comments on Facebook here.

Amy from Into Vintage and Vintage Market Guide sent me this box of "Party Jocs Coasters for your Highballs". What the hell was I going to find in here?

Mini jock straps for your cocktails. And it even says it on the waistband: "For your High Balls". It's a good thing they printed that on the waistband. Otherwise, some dumb man might mistakenly put one on his real balls.

 

If your cocktail glass had a butt crack, you would be able to see it. Just like a real jock strap.

Do you think the number refers to the inches? I'll stick with four, given the options.

Thanks again, Michelle, Amy & Katie!

Hurricane Preparation Tips for Lazy Antique Dealers

Here are a few tips on how to prepare your home for a hurricane, specifically for people who can't fit another damn thing in their garage.

Tip #1: Tie down everything on your deck or patio

Here's what my deck normally looks like:

Here's what it looks like now:

Most of my neighbors were able to actually put all of their furniture into their garages. I know - that is AMAZING! Like a miracle sent straight from God Himself. Not us, we bought some super-strong bungee cords and secured all of our furniture directly to the deck railings. I bet my neighbors are all in pain right now, from all that heavy-lifting. Bungee cords, dummies!

Tip #2: Move all of the junk that is on your front porch into your living room

Maybe your husband reads your blog and found out that you like typewriter tables, so he bought you every one within a fifty-mile radius. And since your garage is packed, you were storing the tables on your front porch, right next to your front door. Because that's where you like to do your typing. Anyway, just drag that junk inside, and plop it anywhere.

Tip #3: Keep the heaviest stuff on the porch because you are lazy

If you have any super heavy iron hospital beds, and you are too tried and hungover to bring them inside, just lay them down on the porch. If you get a second wind later in the day, you might want to bungee cord those to a porch column or something sturdy.

Tip #4: Don't buy a vintage camper on eBay and then send your husband and brother-in-law to pick it up in Michigan three days before a major hurricane. And then don't buy the biggest tarp in the history of tarps, and make your tired husband cover the camper, even though he had just towed it 700 miles in the rain, and there were no leaks.

Can't wait to show you what it looks like! I want to make sure it survives the hurricane first. Don't want to get my hopes up.

How to Clean Vintage Globes (even if you hate to clean)

Here is a peek of part of my globe collection. These are in my bedroom.  My neighbor Teresa always busts on me about having globes in my bedroom. It always ends up with some joke about Chris playing with my globes.

Every once in a while, I make the grave mistake of looking too closely at the globes. That's when I notice the dusty haze. I usually ignore it, but after a few years, it really starts to build up. Like sometimes, I totally think that my globes are the kind with the bumps - those topological ones. But then I'm like, "Those aren't mountains, dummy." They are all just plain old tin globes with an unholy amount of buildup.

In case you haven't figured it out, I am not all that obsessive about cleaning. In fact, I'm downright lazy. I like to take shortcuts whenever I can. I've found that the easiest way to clean the globes is to use the brush attachment on my handheld vacuum cleaner. It gets rid of the dust way faster than a rag and it doesn't blow the dust around everywhere.

You're welcome.

Speaking of globes and maps, my son Finn's bedroom was one of the rooms featured on Ohdeedoh (which is the Child's section of Apartment Therapy), in a post titled Map Decor in 20 Inspiring Kid's Rooms. I am a huge fan of Apartment Therapy, so this was such a pleasant surprise. And, as you can tell in that blog post, I actually cleaned his room when I took those pictures. It must have been a lunar eclipse or something.

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So, have you heard about the Country Living Magazine Blue Ribbon Bloggers Awards? You can submit your own blog, or nominate your favorite blogs in ten different categories. The best blog in each category is selected by a panel of judges.

Today, I reluctantly strapped on a set of vintage globes and nominated my own blog in the Collecting category. I know it's a long shot, considering that I'm a bit more, um, bawdy than most blogs about collecting.

In order to bring some relatively unknown bloggers into the spotlight, one of the submission requirements is that your blog has never been featured in a national print publication.  So, after almost five years of blogging and wishing that a magazine would mention my blog, I guess I'm kind of glad that I've been overlooked.

Am I nuts for thinking that I could get picked? (It's okay, you can tell me the truth.) Have you submitted your blog or nominated any blogs for the awards?

Happy Fourth of July Weekend!

I hope all of you in the U.S. are enjoying the long weekend.

We are celebrating Maeve's 7th birthday with a sleepover and my attempt at the cheesiest patriotic birthday cake ever made...

Making blueberry-filled ice balls for our neighbors' patio party, with berries straight from my brother-in-law's family farm...

Remember my Christmastime cranberry & mint ice balls? I used the same molds. 

(By the way, "blueberry-filled ice balls" take too long to say. Let's call them Blue Balls.)

And, we hit a yard sale or two this morning. We scored an oh-so-apropos 48-star flag. But, our favorite find is the metal "No Grab-Ass Around The POOL" sign.

It makes me want to build a pool, just so I can hang the sign. Come to think of it, our neighbor mentioned that she's going to have a kiddie pool at the patio party - I hope she doesn't mind if I bring this sign.

P.S. I made a Pinterest board with some of my favorite red, white and blue finds that have been featured on my blog. Are you using Pinterest? Let me know, and I will follow your boards.

Swizzle, Dribble and Hump

I thought I'd share a few of my more humorous finds of late.

This is a set of seven books in the Plain Language Money-making series. My favorites are "How to Scheme Your Way into Profit" and "How to Legally Avoid Paying Taxes". These are from the 1960s, so I think some laws have changed since then (probably because of these books). To the man at Clover Market who bought them from me: Please don't drag me into any future law suits!

 

Boy, was I happy to find this sign. I am hoping it will once and for all keep the perverts from approaching my minivan. I'm always like "Get your leg off my bumper, you dirtbag!" Now, I can just point to this sign tucked into my windshield:

I bought it from the same dealer who sold me the Beaver Heaters.  Here's what the sign really means. Should I still put it in my window? Probably not. I don't feel like explaining it to the kids.

But really, why the hell should I be worried about explaining the word "hump" when I should be more concerned about the look on my daughter's face after a woman told her that she could have these "butt sticks" for free at a yard sale.

Oh, the joy!

And, just to clarify, it was Maeve who referred to them as butt sticks, not the woman.

Maeve was SO EXCITED to show them to her friends when we got back from the yard sale. She ran into the backyard and was all like, "Hey guys, look at my butt sticks!" You would have thought that someone handed her a bunch of Zoobles, or maybe some new Wii game. Nope, just four vintage "Bottoms Up" swizzle sticks. THAT I SAW FIRST!

I bought this giant pin just because it had 69 on it.  Purely a Beavis and Butt-head moment.

This is the second Dribble Glass that I've found in the past six months. I think these glasses are funny, but the text on the box drastically overstates the humor: "The funniest of all funny jokes" and "The funniest joke you ever saw...The victim just drools...Doesn't know what's wrong".

I am not showing a photo of the actual glass, because I want to try it out on my neighbors the next time they come over for a drink. I can't wait for someone to say "I don't know what's wrong!", and then frantically dial 911 because he thinks he's having a stroke. Now that would be funny. I mean, strokes aren't funny. Not at all. But someone thinking that they are having a stroke but they are really just drinking from a dribble glass is definitely funny.

Road Trippin'

We had another successful outing at the Clover Market last week! This was Chris' first time selling with me and and I am happy to report that we did not kill each other. This was also our first time using Square to process a few credit card purchases, and it worked perfectly.

Our theme this time was "Summer Road Trip". It really should have been "Ohmigod, That's a Hell of a Lot of Vintage Metal Lawn Chairs", but that doesn't exactly roll off the tongue.

In keeping with the summer vacation theme, I made price signs that looked like the old "Greetings From" postcards. And I asked every person who walked into our tent, "Are we there yet? How much further? I need to pee really bad."

I only had a few things that actually went with my theme, including a stack of souvenir state plates, postcards and my Florida tablecloths. I sold all five of them (I kept the pink and aqua one for myself).  

I love these souvenir postcard booklets - they all have the same style of vibrant images. I sold a few of those.

And let's assume that you like to go fishing on your summer road trip. Well, here are enough minnow buckets to bait a great white.

Here's my husband, Chris, manning the register in front of our neighbor's Tastykake truck:

Since we had the truck, I figured I had to bring some Tastykakes. The box of mini coconut donuts went really fast.

There's that Gimbel's sewing machine that I gave you a glimpse of on Facebook.

I couldn't find much information about it, but I think it was from the late fifties/early sixties. It actually works.  And it came with a matching sewing accessories tin.

 

I designated this area the "Granny Corner" because of the chair and the hanging light fixture and the birdcage. Apparently, this Granny is an archer, because she has a quiver on her shelf.

Isn't this feed sack totally awesome? I love the colors. We found this in Galena, Maryland.

We had a bunch of little bags of random game pieces and flashcards for sale, too. They are always great sellers for us.

That reminds me - I'd like to give a special shout-out to the man who opened all of the two-dollar Scrabble bags, dumped them onto our table, and then asked how much it would cost to buy just the letter "T".

Oh - and another shout-out to the lady who wanted my circus signs (in the photo below). You wanted a 50% discount on something that costs $5. And when Chris said no to your offer, you said "But it is just a piece of cardboard!" Thanks for that. We had a good laugh.

And I'd like to give huge non-sarcastic shout-out to all of the people who admired our nine metal lawn chairs. It was nice to hear so many people getting all nostalgic over the chairs that their mom or grandpa or uncle used to have. And it was fun to hear three different people talk about the tiny squares that the woven-style chairs would leave on the backs of their thighs when they sat on them as children. We didn't sell any of the chairs, so I brought them straight to Brandywine View. They look really cute all lined up along the wrap-around porch there.

Our neighbor, Mike, kindly drove the truck to Clover in the morning, and we followed in our minivan. And then he told us that we could drive the truck home on the way back. One problem - there is no passenger seat. My tufted yellow chair didn't sell, so we wedged it in the aisle between the shelves that lined the back of the truck. It was comfy, but a little tough to see out the front window since it is so low. Oh - and also a little dangerous because tufted yellow chairs don't come with seat belts.

Here we are after a long day. We will be back at Clover Market on October 16. Please come see us again!

Do You Know Your BEST Four Curls?

My collection of crocheted genital-warmers is growing. (You don't hear that sentence very often, do you?!)

You remember my Super Guy gift from Sue and our Allison family heirloom, right? The little orange one is jealous for certain.

Well, if a man can have a Peter Heater, shouldn't a woman have the equivalent? I found one at the Head House Square Flea Market on Doomsday - May 21, 2011. If this find isn't a sign of the Apocalypse, I don't know what is.

Here's the box it came in:

 But wait! I didn't get just one. I bought two from the same vendor, Lo and Behold Antiques.

Here are Mi Lady's matching beauties. One is a tad dirtier than the other, but I am really trying not to think about it too much or else I'll vomit a little in my mouth.

And don't you love how the colors match the "Super Guy" in the first photo above? They were meant for each other.

The button in the middle actually opens to reveal a hole.

The "instructions" that are printed on the box lid are completely inappropriate and insensitive. But, at the very least, they give us an idea of when these were made.

My favorite line is: "attach at each corner with BEST four curls". Oh, so that's how it's supposed to be attached! Silly me, I was picturing the careful placement of barrettes and bobby pins and maybe a little hot glue.

Now....the big question: What shall we call the female version of the Willie Warmer? I came up with a few names (with some help of my sisters and husband):

• Woo-Woo Warmer
• Carpet Carpet
• Mi Lady's Muff Mitten
• Beaver Heater
• Welcome Mat for Penises

What's your favorite name? Can you think of any others? Are you totally repulsed by this blog post? Did you just unsubscribe and remove me from your favorites?