Paging Dr. A. Willy

Methinks the groundhog will not see his shadow, and winter is almost over, because I scored some primo junk this week. Spring junk. My sister Erin (who was BORN on Groundhog Day) and I went to some outdoor markets and shops in Adamstown a couple of weekends ago. It was freezing, and there weren't many dealers in the outside markets, but we were still able to score a few good finds.

The light blue Steelcase desk and office chair weren't from Adamstown. A friend tipped me off to those. The same friend who tipped me off to the aqua metal desk that I shared on Facebook last year. Nice friend, huh?

I'm tempted to keep this tole-painted chandelier for my kids' playroom in the basement, since the main colors in that room are aqua and orange. But the ceilings are too low. And I don't want the neighbor kids swinging from it (because my children would never do that).

I have to keep this old-timey chrome microphone away from Maeve. She'd be belting out Call Your Girlfriend. And doing all of the moves from the video, which she has nearly perfected.

 This is my second pair of children's skis by Peters.

Chris and I were watching Hell on Wheels a few weeks ago, and we noticed that a railroad surveyor was holding up extremely tall measuring sticks. When I spotted this pair at the flea market, I had to have them. 

Chris found a website called Surveying Antiques, and saw one of our measuring sticks right there in the header of their website, and here in these photos.

The one with the black & white painted numbers extends to 13 feet! Any ideas on how you would use these? I was thinking you could put them along a wall and add hooks. Or, if you were ballsy enough, you could cut them into four pieces and frame an old mirror.

Here's a Brownie Hawkeye camera with flash, and a "Big Community" file box:


Is it bad that I've purchased at least ten copies of How to Attain and Practice the Ideal Sex Life in the past five years? And I still don't know how to attain it OR how to practice it. I am unteachable. (But if you have the urge to be taught, I have a copy for sale in my Etsy shop.)

And then there is my other book - the Illustrated Encyclopedia of Sex. Big thanks to you lovely ladies who pointed out that the first author is named Dr. A. Willy, after I posted a picture of this book on Facebook. What would I ever do without you?

Most of the pictures in the book are run-of-the-mill cross-sections of crotches. Bo-ring. But there were two pages that I had to scan. Just for you.

This page shows the Sexual Excitation of a man. I just love the picture in his brain. Do men really daydream of piles of women awkwardly laying on top of each other?

I don't even want to write about this next picture, because Google will bring perverted people searching for disgusting things. Kind of like me at a yard sale.

Figure C-9 depicts the causes of nocturnal losses of semen. Losses. Like he lost something. "Dammit - where did I put that semen again? It's the middle of the night and I can't find my semen!"

Let us zoom in on my favorite part of this page - the idea that wet dreams are caused by a "Dinner of Exciting Foods".  And the picture is inside a stomach. I wonder what his exciting meal is. Lobster? Foie Gras? 

Let's be real - he is totally watching a porn in front of his TV while eating a Hungry Man frozen dinner. 

And on to my next big sex book score...one about the Amish's Curious Courtship Custom of Bundling. (Okay, okay, I know all of my Amish readers are going to correct me - this is NOT really a sex book.) I had never heard of this custom, but as soon as I opened the book and saw the photo below, I knew it was a keeper.

Bundling is a very old tradition in which young men and women would lay together in bed, but weren't allowed to touch. So, they were totally acting like they were already married, right?  

Here's an illustration of the various forms of "decreasing temptations between bundlers" across different cultures (it wasn't just the Amish who practiced this custom).

 

The lady's body sack is the Amish version of worn-out, comfy sweatpants. Once the drawstring on those sweats from college are tied, there is no chance of any funny business.  And you know that the dude in the couple's sack is going to be looking for something he "lost" later that night (see Figure C-9).

At the end of the book was this image:

So, it's not acceptable to touch each other in bed, but it's okay for a girl to hump a railing in the presence of a man. And check him out....he's all like "Come over here, and hump this fence post instead of that rail. It's way better."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

P.S. Happy Birthday to my sister Erin (Groundhog Baby) and Happy 40th Birthday to her husband Doug, whose birthday is February 3rd! I hope you both celebrate with a Dinner of Exciting Foods, followed by a night of passionate bundling!

Comments

[PEGGY DALEY]

looking for a hundred old keys for my daughters wedding! HELP!

[birdie blue]

in love with that blue steelcase desk. it's the perfect shade of blue.

your vintage sex ed 'illustrations' commentary is really funny. i think you need to start writing your own book/compilation. it'd sell.

xo
molly

[Maureen F]

Awesome - you sure did score !!!!

[Sue]

I must be channeling you. I have 3 surveyor's sticks and found TWO sex books last weekend. What's with that? XOX

[Lisa Johnson]

Oh, Colleen! thanks for the laugh. I needed it!
Lisa

[Kori]

*Crude comment alert*

Dinner of Exciting Foods = fish tacos.

Sorry...I had to.

:)

[Alana]

I *think* that's a shortwave radio mic. My dad had one very similar to it.

Great haul! I wish we lived closer. I'd be buying from ya on a regular basis.

Any plans to do the Country Living Fair this year? I'm planning on selling and taking along my vintage camper, too.

-Alana
http://www.kitschykitten.com

[Mary Ann]

Oh man, what a sense of humor you have. Quite enjoyable reading. Thanks!

[Gail]

This is the funniest post I've read........ever! I'll be directing my best friend over her for a good chuckle!

[Patricia Price]

Love all your vintage finds. The long measuring sticks look just like the ones we used to have to use at the gas station I worked at. We would open the heavy lid to the gas tank in the ground, sprinkle baby powder on the stick and put it into the tank and when we pulled it out you could read how much was left in the tank by where the baby powder was wet. Then we would call it into the main office so they knew how much gas they should have delivered. It was a pretty miserable job at Oh-dark hundred in the morning! Thanks for the memory!
Patti

[Beth]

oh boy....how do I muffle hysteria at 5:30 in the morning and not wake the whole family with my cackling laughter.....funny funny funny....I'm thinking boggle may have to slide down to second funniest post ever....
see you at Clover
Beth

[Miss Wibbly]

ha ha ha ha ha ha!! o.m.g. i chuckled! thanks! and what an amazing 'find'! x

[Megan M.]

That's good stuff Colleen.

[Shanna]

I had to let you know that I saw my very first and probably only Willy Warmer, listed on Craigslist noless here in Wisconsin. I did not reply to the add, unless you want me to. ;) I had to let you know that they are apparently migrating this way.

[Deb Neerman]

LOLOLOL, I'm ROFLOL over here ... thanks for the giggles!

[Geralyn]

Yet again I just died laughing...I think that really be what men are thinking of...except it's probably like twenty J LO's holding hamburgers. Can't wait till your next find!

[Dani]

Awesome Post. Most blogs bore me and I giggled so much through this one.

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