Chiclets, My Pimp and Hideous Babies

We were supposed to use our camper for the first time last weekend, but the forecast was RAIN! FLOODS! LOCUSTS! We cancelled our camping plans, and, of course, it only ended up raining on Friday afternoon. The rest of the weekend was just fine. Damn you, Hurricane Schwartz straight to hell!

The upside, and it's a good one, was that I was able to hit the Antiques Extravaganza in Adamstown on Sunday morning (a thrice-yearly super-duper weekend at my favorite antiquing trifecta: Renninger's, Black Angus and Shupp's Grove).

I spent $37 for everything in this picture. Click on it to enlarge.

I'm kidding! Wouldn't you hate me?! I would hate me!

I actually spent a bit more than I normally spend. But I saw so many things that I wanted. And I have Clover Market coming up on October 16th, so I need to stock up. And, most importantly, I didn't want the good stuff ending up with some loser, so I had to rescue them. For their own safety.

By the way - the table that everything is sitting on was a previous purchase. It is an old table that came from a pizza shop. It is awesome.

That cubby thing on the right was made from scraps of old boxes. You can see the stenciling here (it says "glass", not "ass"):

This bucket bench has a unique design...with the rounded picket corners and the criss-cross bottom boards. I am picturing it on someone's front porch, with a row of colorful mums and pumpkins sitting on top. Hmmm...maybe I'll keep it.

This litho bucket caught my eye. I've never seen one like this.

My maiden name is Burke. And I like Ale. So, I obviously needed to rescue this wooden crate.

I'm not quite sure why I bought all of these crocheted potholder thingies. There are some nice colors in there. And they were fairly inexpensive.

I know exactly why I bought the Pelican Cooler (that has an intact glass liner). Can't you just picture it sitting on the counter?

I also found this painted mahogany two-tiered table, these orange & white napkins and the orange desk lamp:

The seat of this 1950s chrome stool was originally painted aqua, to match the stripes around the edges. Someone painted it white and totally defaced it with a hideous decal, which I promptly removed with a few squirts of Goof Off.

I would keep this if my husband wore ties regularly. Alas, he is more of an outdoorsman-woodsman type. This tie rack made by Nu-Dell in 1937 has a dial that offers you fashion advice, based on the color of your tie.

I don't know anyone, other than my pimp, who can pull off a black & red tie with a gray shirt and a blue suit. But times were different in 1937.

 
I've always wanted an old candy rack for displaying my ephemera and other paper goods at sales like Clover.

Each of the gum graphics are made of metal:

Yes, another dress form. I sold the last one I bought, so this is her replacement. She is an Acme junior-sized dress form.  And she is standing next to an awesome green-painted library cart. On casters!

Sitting on that shelf is Harriet Hubbard Ayer's Book, published in 1899. It is about women's beauty & hygiene.

What kind of super cool lady doesn't even have a title for her book? It's like if I published a book called Colleen Allison's Book. I know - it has best-seller written all over it.

I could devote an entire blog to Harriet's book. (No, not a blog post  - an entire blog). She has one chapter called "The Sin of Dowdiness". These quotes are all from one page in that chapter:

"There is nothing so fatal to a girl's chances as untidiness." [A bad case of The Clap is a close second.]

"Freckles are not pretty, and they are practically there to stay."

"The complexion of the red-haired girl is her most serious drawback. It lends itself to untidiness, so the victim must be careful to keep it looking clean and well cared for."" [So sorry, my dear red-headed sister/victim, Erin.]

"If my little red-headed girl has not nice teeth, she should have them repaired and made pretty and wholesome".  [But I guess snaggle-toothed blondes are acceptable?]

This is from a chapter called "How to Sleep". Yes - A WHOLE CHAPTER!

Not only did she dole out beauty advice, but she also gave out motherly advice - like how to ensure that your hideously-deformed, pug-nosed, disgustingly-ugly baby grows up with a pretty nose:

 

Yes, the crazy bitch is telling you to SQUEEZE your baby's nose. Like, all the time.

And don't forget about those hideous ears! Either strap them down with a specially-made bonnet for Dumbo-eared babies, or just pin them back with your hands.

I'll have to keep reading to see if she has any sound advice on douching. The advice from my last womanly book made me itchy.

Comments

[Mary Kay Andrews]

I bought that same Pelican thermos jug in Boone, NC back in August. Think it would make a swell lamp. Or a swill jug. Whateves...Excellent junk, Colleen!

[Sue]

Oh, this is hilarious! Now I wish I'd driven up ahead of you and scored all this killer junk. Especially that book. That sleeping photo explains a lot about my poor circulation.

But in that second photo she looks passed out, which also invites nightmares.

[Ellen]

You always find the best books! LOL I do love the gum rack... and the library cart... and the cubbie thing... and all the rest of it... you found some great stuff!

[Charlene Austin]

Ok seriously....how do you not do stand up comedy? The pic of the cooler on the trailer counter slayed me. Can I come shop with you? I won't be in the way. I promise. I'll just laugh lots.

[momma mindy]

You're right. I had a negative, jealous reaction when I saw what you bought for $37. Sorry. You just get the best deals all the time! On the west coast it's ridiculous shopping for vintage. If I find anything that is remotely cool, they want a bajillion dollars for it. So, I read your blog and dream about shopping trips like yours. Would LOVE to buy that wood thing with all the compartments from you. Do you ever drive by Seattle? :)

[France Geek]

You are such a great writer. You always have me laughing out loud - lolling, I guess.

Amazing haul for the price, amazing even for lots more money. If I ever drop^the France gig I'll start copying where you go to resell.

Good luck douching!

[Cassandra]

I'm super jealous over here! These are some awesome finds. The problem with me is - I don't have a store or anything (yet?) so everything ends up staying in my house.....quickly running out of room over here.

I LOVE books like those! Aren't they just too much?!

And yes, good luck with the douching!

[gayle]

I have a "thang" for pieces made out of old boxes, so that cubbie is calling to me!!!
Great haul........

[kim]

Erin-you kill me!
Love reading you and your mom's posts!
Kim from Yakima

[Eleanor and Kerry]

I am so glad you got the book - you would appreciate it the most I think! Come back again - only a few more weeks until Shupp's Grove closes on Oct. 30th, but we'll be around, and back in the Spring. Your other finds are awesome too! But I covet your camper the most.

[Into Vintage]

"There is nothing so fatal to a girl's chances as untidiness."

Uh, ew?

[Candace]

Who knew a nose could be respectable or not? Ha ha, that book is pure gold! And I love the tie rack that gives advice. Great finds!

[One Gal's Trash]

I hate you and your $37 bonanza. Especially the gum rack. Once in a blue moon, there's a day when I wish we never left Pennsylvania. Today is one of those days.
xoxo
Pam

[BeckyKay]

I still hate you a little even if you DID pay more than $37. ;) What an awesome crazy-good haul!!

And that book. That book is AWESOME! I will be pinching my baby's nose every day.

[Kim]

OK, I'll admit that when I read the "$37" part, I thought "I hate her". Thanks for fessing up & not making me hate you :)

As usual, love your finds!

[Jody Kippels]

I love your choice of reading materials. LOL! By the way, I use those cute little crochet potholders as coasters.

[Mitzi Curi]

My, my, my....what awesome advice Ms. Ayers was doling out way back when! Thanks so much for sharing!

[Kara]

I'd just stick a clothespin on it! Who has time to walk around squeezing babies' noses all the time?!

Also, that cubby style shelving unit is badass. Color me jealous.

Cheers,
Kara of www.fancythatvintage.blogspot.com

[HeidiAnn]

WOW - I am in awe of all of your great finds!!
And I am completely over the moon CRAZY about that orange desk lamp!!!

[Smah]

I bought The Crafty Minx for my stseir for Christmas and she loves it. I studied German for 7 years (school and university) and am a big fan of all things Deutsches! So I'm excited to hear you will be translated into German. Das Schlaues Luder is an exact translation of The Crafty Minx, but German doesn't have that wonderful duplicity of meaning within crafty that we do in English. It only means cunning. Can't wait to hear how they title your book!

[Danise Kimball]

I can't believe you "helped yourself" to the vintage sign. Oh you left them a dollar. Really? How sweet of you. That's so F***ed up. Maybe the Amish people didn't want to have to make a new sign because their old sign was cool. Maybe they wanted more than $1 for it. I'm really quite amazed.