Hurricane Preparation Tips for Lazy Antique Dealers

Here are a few tips on how to prepare your home for a hurricane, specifically for people who can't fit another damn thing in their garage.

Tip #1: Tie down everything on your deck or patio

Here's what my deck normally looks like:

Here's what it looks like now:

Most of my neighbors were able to actually put all of their furniture into their garages. I know - that is AMAZING! Like a miracle sent straight from God Himself. Not us, we bought some super-strong bungee cords and secured all of our furniture directly to the deck railings. I bet my neighbors are all in pain right now, from all that heavy-lifting. Bungee cords, dummies!

Tip #2: Move all of the junk that is on your front porch into your living room

Maybe your husband reads your blog and found out that you like typewriter tables, so he bought you every one within a fifty-mile radius. And since your garage is packed, you were storing the tables on your front porch, right next to your front door. Because that's where you like to do your typing. Anyway, just drag that junk inside, and plop it anywhere.

Tip #3: Keep the heaviest stuff on the porch because you are lazy

If you have any super heavy iron hospital beds, and you are too tried and hungover to bring them inside, just lay them down on the porch. If you get a second wind later in the day, you might want to bungee cord those to a porch column or something sturdy.

Tip #4: Don't buy a vintage camper on eBay and then send your husband and brother-in-law to pick it up in Michigan three days before a major hurricane. And then don't buy the biggest tarp in the history of tarps, and make your tired husband cover the camper, even though he had just towed it 700 miles in the rain, and there were no leaks.

Can't wait to show you what it looks like! I want to make sure it survives the hurricane first. Don't want to get my hopes up.

Comments

[Gina at Vintage Junk in My Trunk]

So funny. We are in the same predicament as you. Minus the cute vintage trailer, of course. Stay dry and safe!

[mary]

just did the same thing!! what was the world before bungee cords!! don't have to worry about the trailer thoooo..

[Into Vintage]

I'll have to show this post to my husband. Some busybody suggested he park his car in our garage this winter so he doesn't have to scrape ice and snow off of it in the morning darkness but I really don't see how that's ever going to happen.

I'd put that trailer in my living room and forget about eveything else.

[steff]

yup! my porch stuff is in the living room too! but we did put the deck furniture under the deck... it wasn't too far away.

[Sherri A]

You just need to build a bigger garage!!

[maureen]

In all seriousness- stay safe! I don't know how I would make it without your entertaining site! ;)

maureen louise

[Sue]

Yes, all my crap is now in my house, and I can now see what my only-fond-memories front porch now looks like. However, I wasn't brave enough to take photos. I need to do a companion post, though! XOX

[samovarkath]

Oh Colleen. Thank you so much for once again, helping me laugh my a** off, after a tense weekend. The college kiddo is in NYC, directly in Irene's path. Aaagghhh! I will say a prayer that you and your family are not too rained in.

Here's a thought: quonset hut. Anchored, to concrete posts dug deep into the rich soil of your backyard. http://quonsetbuildings.org/ I think I'll check them out for myself. Thanks again for your always excellent reportage.

[Affordable Medical Insurance]

Stay safe! I don't know how I would make it without your entertaining site!

[Katie]

Can't wait to see that trailer! Even from under the tarp it looks cool. Always wanted a retro trailer to decorate.

[One Gal's Trash]

I'm with Amy. I showed the photo of your garage to my husband, stomped my foot and said, "See, I'm not the ONLY one!" It's remarkable how much your garage looks like mine..even including the kid's bike precariously leaning against the piles.
xo
Pam