My collection of crocheted genital-warmers is growing. (You don't hear that sentence very often, do you?!)
You remember my Super Guy gift from Sue and our Allison family heirloom, right? The little orange one is jealous for certain.
Well, if a man can have a Peter Heater, shouldn't a woman have the equivalent? I found one at the Head House Square Flea Market on Doomsday - May 21, 2011. If this find isn't a sign of the Apocalypse, I don't know what is.
Here's the box it came in:
But wait! I didn't get just one. I bought two from the same vendor, Lo and Behold Antiques.
Here are Mi Lady's matching beauties. One is a tad dirtier than the other, but I am really trying not to think about it too much or else I'll vomit a little in my mouth.
And don't you love how the colors match the "Super Guy" in the first photo above? They were meant for each other.
The button in the middle actually opens to reveal a hole.
The "instructions" that are printed on the box lid are completely inappropriate and insensitive. But, at the very least, they give us an idea of when these were made.
My favorite line is: "attach at each corner with BEST four curls". Oh, so that's how it's supposed to be attached! Silly me, I was picturing the careful placement of barrettes and bobby pins and maybe a little hot glue.
Now....the big question: What shall we call the female version of the Willie Warmer? I came up with a few names (with some help of my sisters and husband):
- Woo-Woo Warmer
- Carpet Carpet
- Mi Lady's Muff Mitten
- Beaver Heater
- Welcome Mat for Penises
What's your favorite name? Can you think of any others? Are you totally repulsed by this blog post? Did you just unsubscribe and remove me from your favorites?
cooter coat?
those are hysterical finds.....now I'll probably wake up in the middle of the night and shout the perfect name out and my husband will know without a shadow of a doubt that I have lost my mind. especially when I get up to add it to this post! LOL
Posted by: Sharon | May 30, 2011 at 09:00 PM
Um, it appears to be a merkin. Don't ask ... all I'm claiming is a bachelorette party gone bad.
Posted by: Sue | May 30, 2011 at 09:21 PM
It's a Coochie Cozy!
Posted by: Rachel | May 30, 2011 at 09:22 PM
cunt carpet... creeper keeper. hahaha.
Posted by: Aj | May 30, 2011 at 09:23 PM
Muff Muffs........OMG!! You guys always keep me coming back for more!!
Posted by: Fawn | May 30, 2011 at 09:30 PM
OMG. That's a riot! I like Beaver Heater. It's catchy.
Posted by: jenn | May 30, 2011 at 10:33 PM
Kitten Mitten... Bush Bandanna... hilarious post!
Posted by: Kay | May 31, 2011 at 02:13 AM
Actually, we had a "Super Guy " that got passed around the guys in our family for years at Christmas. One year a FORMER bro in law got it............we haven't seen it since. HHmmmmmmm...........
Posted by: Gayle | May 31, 2011 at 08:57 AM
Hah! I love it! I can't wait to share this with my husband. I'll keep thinking of a good name. My creativity seems to be on vacation.
Posted by: Misty | May 31, 2011 at 10:54 AM
If this isn't exactly the right reason to learn to knit, I don't know what is.
What a thoughtful handmade Christmas gift these would make.
Posted by: Into Vintage | May 31, 2011 at 12:12 PM
This post made me love you even more. ;) I am going to have to actually keep an eye out for these lovely items next time I hit an estate sale. You would think that Wisconsinites would have the need for these if anyone does. ;) Keep up the good work.
Posted by: Shanna | June 01, 2011 at 10:17 AM
I want to know what the hole is for...Not that I could ever imagine myself ever wearing this latest of Paris fashions, but if I did, what would the flap be for???
Posted by: Linda | June 02, 2011 at 05:40 AM
Hardly, I'm still laughing so hard that I can hardly type, LMAO!
Posted by: Jody | June 05, 2011 at 06:23 PM
WTF....ok I get it, but yet I don't. Corners?....what corners?....Curls....? What??? Well, at least it's patriotic!
Let's call it a Beavage Bonnet shall we? Or maybe a Biscuit Warmer!
Posted by: Margi Laipply | June 05, 2011 at 06:38 PM
Hahahahahahahahaha
Posted by: Stacy | June 06, 2011 at 09:48 PM
This has shattered my image of the 1940's being an innocent, wholesome period! These would be a fun item to reproduce and sell on Etsy. Could wind up on Regretsy...
Posted by: Rebecca Harkin | June 07, 2011 at 09:34 AM
Erm, what about "thatch hatch"?
Posted by: Ruby | June 11, 2011 at 07:25 PM
do you understand the implied meaning to the last paragraph relating to an oriental country?
if you don't, email me or ask an older gentleman - one who went to Vietnam or stationed in the Far East.
the response is very sexist, btw
Posted by: deb | June 12, 2011 at 12:37 AM
How about Snapper Capper?
Posted by: Mitzi Curi | June 12, 2011 at 08:47 PM
You guys are nuts! All of your creative names are cracking me up.
Posted by: freshvintage | June 12, 2011 at 09:07 PM
How in hell did I miss this post? I'm starting to think these genital cozies seek you out, rather than the other way around. By the way, I like Carpet Carpet.
xo
Pam
Posted by: one gal's trash | June 14, 2011 at 11:54 AM
That is so funny and soooo politically incorrect! I remember finding odd ball sexy "joke" gifts at my Uncle's house when I was a kid and was always so confused (to my older brother's delight who was usually the one who showed me the stuff because he knew I would not really understand).
DeDe
www.vintageandflea.com
Posted by: dede | December 17, 2011 at 08:26 AM
WOW this is to funny!!!
Posted by: Elma Riedstra | December 17, 2011 at 09:28 PM
Nice to be here and see your post!
Posted by: charmingdate | May 19, 2013 at 11:56 PM