Pendulous Busts

My neighbor, Mike, gave me a tip about "two old cash registers" that he saw in front of a house about two miles away. Mike was already ranked high on my list of favorite neighbors because he owns a Tastykake route. Every so often, a few boxes of Peanut Butter Kandy Kakes or Butterscotch Krimpets fall off his truck and land right into our house. And since he started doling out junking tips, he is now unequivocally at the top of my fave neighbor list.

I knew exactly which house he was talking about, because the owners have been cleaning it out for a few weeks, and I've seen junk on their curb a few times. I immediately drove to the house, and spotted two old adding machines next to a bunch of trash cans that were packed to the gills. I took the adding machine that appeared to be older. I did some research, but I can't find the same type of machine. So, I don't know how much it is worth (and even if I did, I wouldn't tell Mike).

But that wasn't the best part of the trip. In one of the four trash cans filled with crap, there were piles and piles of medical journals.  Most of them were Journals of Obstetrics & Gynecology from the 1920s and 30s. I decided that I would only take them if they had funny pictures that I could share with you, my dear readers. You must know I love you...I will dig through the stinkiest trash if it will get you a laugh!

So, here they are...

I would make my husband wear this to bed if it would prevent him from pissing all over the toilet seat in the middle of the night:

WHO asked for this?  I sure didn't.

I hear that this one is a real page-turner (as long as your goiter doesn't get in the way):

But seriously, who would sign up to be in the Association for the Study of Goiter? If I was a doctor, I'd sign up for the Association for the Study of The Eradication of Periods or the Association for the Perfection of Breast Lifts. Goiters? Not in my top ten list.

Oh boy...where to start with these two ads? Make sure you click on the photo for the full effect. You'll see phrases like "vaginal jellies", "douche powder",  and my favorite...

"RAISES SAGGING, PENDULOUS BUSTS".

Comments

[tammyCA]

LOL! You were meant to have these "treasures"...thank your cool neighbor. Now where can I get those brassieres? :D

[Maureen]

HaHaHa too funny! I still feel creepy digging through trash cans, but sometimes the goods are soooo worth it. Glad you hear you are not above it either. Thanks for sharing.

[terri]

I almost wet my pants reading this.
You are a women after my own heart. I am an Official Garbage picker, Dumpster diver extraordinaire.

I always love reading your blog.

just wondering to you head up to Brimfield?

[Sarah]

LOLOLOL

That male thing is skeery.

[Susan]

These are great.

[Cathy]

Tastycakes! I actually thought they were an invention of Janet Evonovich, now I must have one...thanks for the delightful blog, I always laugh out loud, you need to write a book.
smiling in NC
Cathy

[Linda]

Great finds, Colleen. Just the sort of crap I'd drag home, too, much to my husband's eternal eye-rolling. But, hey, we trash/treasure pickers know there can be gold in those piles of "junk." Every year, our town has a six-week, toss-it-all-to-the-curb extravaganza. Someone called it Trash-O-Ween, which is a perfect description. A few tricks but far more treats. You won't believe the vintage stuff I've found this year. Come and take a look.

[Jenny]

OMG - I totally need a steam-cured diagaphram! lol But seriously, you scored girl! Where did you say these trash cans were?! ;)

[svelteSTUFF]

OH, we (your fanatic followers) do feel loved - since you thought of US when you found this stuff!!!!

[Michelle]

OH MY!!! Too funny!!! The urinal?? The liver soup?? Ewww!!! The bra (sadly) I could use!! LOL!!
Michelle

[Jessica K.]

Don't you just love old crap! Good God, I'm glad I live in the 21st century!!

[becky]

ok i just can't handle it!! thanks for the good giggle. i needed that! maybe you could make little notebooks with the ocasional slip in from those journals...who would suspect?

[Rosemary]

What a great neighbor!!
What I wouldn't do for a tastycake.
My mom is from New Jersey, so we used to get them as kids when anyone came out to California for a visit.
Peanut butter is the BEST!!
Rosemary

[Millie]

Good midgy raking day. But if only there'd been a few old freebies of the Marvosans to go on Ebay.

[Amy Bell]

this was in the trash?? oh my word. i am inspired...are you selling any of these?
--amy

[Tastykake Man]

Colleen is one of my favorite neighbors!! She can't keep her hands off my krimpets....

I know Colleen is a junk collector and so I called her and told her about the trash heap !!

You should see her garage...LOL>>>> No car in there.....
just crap!!!!!!!

[susan]

wow between the mans ad and the womans ad, i am glad i am my age now!! that was scary, and i dont even have pedulous busts!!

[Amy]

I am drolling. Not at the douche powder...but the great finds in general:) Good neighbors make the world go round!

[Amy]

I am drooling. Not at the douche powder...but the great finds in general:) Good neighbors make the world go around!

[Karen]

I'm all about hoisting pendulous bosoms. I just need to get me some first. Does your sloppy pissing husband know about your lust for Mike's krimpets? Well, off to heat up some delicious liver soup for my infant. Ummmm!! Soup is good food.

[Kim]

Brilliant. Years ago I found an etiquette book from the 1930s in a box of free books outside a library. How often have I regretted losing it! It was almost as good as these. (Occasions for white gloves; schedule for a weekend at a man's college etc.) I wonder if I could still get Remold anywhere. Pendulous and sagging, that's me. Do you think its pronounced "REE mold" or Rem (like "rem sleep") mold. Probably the former.

[jaime]

That is SO funny!